I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
