Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
is that a dick in a sweater?
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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