I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize