He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
