I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
