batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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