I am puke
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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