I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
