Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
