every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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