I am puke
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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