waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
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