I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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