clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
