Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize