I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
