I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
