they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so let's talk penis.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize