so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
