Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
