I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
