Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
