i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
