And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
