just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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