she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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