too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
