What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
