im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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