You're so nebulous sometimes
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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