You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
True but thats because hes a fetus.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
did you just send me my own nude
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
there is glitter all over my balls
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
