Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
