Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
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