I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Welp...herpes.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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