I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
