6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
im holly from the hills drunk
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
