We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
