The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
