I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
