how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
