is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
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