Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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