If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
