conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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