I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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