I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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