Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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