Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
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