no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
