and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
