i think i have two assholes
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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