Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize