so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
