i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
