He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
