left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
