yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize