i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
My pussy is not your playground.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
