she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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