Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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