i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
