sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I FOUND THE LEGS
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
