Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
