oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
