oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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