i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I need to wash the frat house off of me
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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