People in love make me want to vomit
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
He told me they were just razor bumps!
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
