bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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