Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
