If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
