I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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