he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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