how can u be prego again
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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