The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize